First Night! May 30, 2006
Posted by Sai in Thoughtz.trackback
It has taken me a long time to get myself to start posting but the time is here at last. I usually work best at night and this is the first night of writing for my blog, so I decided to start with a humorous post on "First Night".
Arranged marriage has always fascinated me (considering that I am going to be part of such an arrangement in the future, it had to be part of my thoughts). I was recently watching this first night scene in a telugu movie – girls giggling and pushing the heroine into the bedroom with a glass of milk, hero waiting in anticipation along with the flowers, fruits, sweets (Oh GOD! I rarely eat fruits and sweets; I need something spicy! Also, I do not drink plain milk, so I need Chocolate Milk or Bournvita. Mom and Dad, I hope you are listening) and great background music by Mani Sarma (he's used this same piece in numerous movies but thats besides the point) – and it reminded me of a question I had in my mind a few years back: "When you're part of an arranged marriage with a girl you hardly know, do you consummate the marriage on your first night as we see in movies?". Well the obvious logical answer (at least for me) is "No. How can you? You hardly know the girl!". The technically correct answer is that you should. The muhurtham/muhurat fixed by the pandit (if I understand correctly) is for when you are supposed to "do it". How the heck are you supposed to be able to "do it" at that exact time (especially when it is your first try as is the case for many desis), only god knows (God! now that is another controversial topic for another post).
Anyway, different people think differently, so I decided to have a discussion with some of my friends (this was about 4 years back when I was an undergrad in India). Some of them accepted my view but then there were others with some humorous statements. One purported reason put forward for consummation on the first night was that the girl is expecting you to do it and if you don't, she will feel that there is something wrong (and maybe ask you to talk to Dr. Samaram). Now that was a thought that never occurred to me. Recently, I had another thought. Thanks to movies, we now know that flowers, fruits, milk and a ton of other things are available in your bedroom on your "First Night" but do they arrange for CONDOMS!? Knowing desis, I would like to bet that they don't. Now if you do consummate your marriage there is a probability of pregnancy. And what happens then? Abortion! Well, not many desi girls and elders would be comfortable with the thought of abortion – killing a child!! So they have kids early and live a happy life ever after (c'mon everything has some probability even if it is small and anyway desis always need a happy ending).
Well, that ends my first post. Finally!!!
I can now officially declare myself a blogger 
Would have to say that it is a bold, big and controversial topic to be the first post. Hey its your blog not mine
I'm sure that no girl expects something that day. After all we have lived as a bachelor longer than them, and men are known to have more desire than the women so I would have to say that it shud be the men eager not the women. More over,
WAKE UP we are mature enough to know that nothing would be happening on the first night ..
Imagine that you are awake the whole day on you marriage with some vratam and ……. taking care of marriage arrangements friends relatives…. and you would be trying to look your best and carry yourself best those days its quite tiring mentally and physically.
Forget about anything being done that night except getting a good night's sleep. I would say an ideal scenario for anything may be a little chat comforting her by telling her what kind of nonsense she should expect in future and that of course you don't need Samaram (I am sure you'll have a tough time making this conversation with her).
All i can say is
"SABHAR KA PHAL MEETHA HOTA HAI"
I don't quite encourage such topics to be discussed. There is a lot more fun in trying to figure out these things yourself. What is the fun in writing an exam that you already know the answers for?
Like i said its your blog not mine.
Main Hoon Na
Hurraaaaaay………so you are also a blogger from now on….
so friends…we now have a 'SPICY' blog….
You work best in night, so I feel 'First Night' is the most apt topic for you to start with
Great get going…
I do agree to your views on the 'first night' scenes in the movies. I too did give this a thought. It is hard, to get so comfortable with the partner in such a short period.
The older generations also did have people like you who would prefer to have some spicy food, some chicken or fish. And they very well knew that guys if given a choice, would hang chickens all over the ceiling (oops… please do not send this idea to Raghavendra Rao..he might even try it …). To avoid all this, I think they started these flowers and fruits and the rest followed thinking it is some kind of custom and no one wanted to screw up their 'first night' by breaking the rules.
By the way, I heard flowers are placed to kind of create a romantic atmosphere and fruits and milk to give you more and more energy for all the 'hard work' that is ahead..;)
Do not worry, we will provide you with Boost and Bournvita to give you the extra boost necessary….(We know you do not need it though…)
And also, a small suggestion…if you do not want to be like many desis….try gaining some experience before..'Experience always counts' ..All the very best…
Tweety
Good job and as expected an ‘out of the ordinary’ topic !! I too thought about it few years ago and as pointed out by ‘itsforyoutoguess’ I realized that one would be too tired and/or too much of a stranger to get to the ’spicy’ part of the night. And be rest assured that the girls of the current times, especially the ones that are in the subset of marrying you, will have no qualms in expressing their desire.
Actually, I haven’t updated my blog since quite some time because I am dead busy and possibly facing a potential layoff in a couple of months
…..in fact I hadn’t checked my mail since 3 weeks…but the content of this post was too compelling not to reply
Well….am one of those people with who you discussed this stuff in undergrad; though I am not sure if I agreed with you or not. But today I don’t agree with your so called “dilemma” (in theory) in not consummating your marriage on your first night.
Coming to the point of arranged marriages, the meaning of arranged marriage has changed drastically. It’s not that you had one glimpse of her and the next time you saw her it was on your bed with a glass of milk in her hand. Today, there is lot of communication happening between the bride and the groom from the time they first see each other and the time they actually get married. So, the screwing a stranger concept doesn’t look valid to me.
But if you look at it practically….the first night both of you will be so tired after the marriage function that you might not have the energy in the first place (maybe that’s why the food/milk is for) to do it. But…medically speaking among the different types of energies we have like physical, mental etc…sexual energy is the strongest of them all…BTW I don’t kinda agree to what “Main Hoon Na” said that men are more eager to do it then women….because I remember reading quite some time back (though I cannot corroborrate the source) that women enjoy the act of sex as much or even more than men do
So don’t worry, go and ROCK your first night!!!!
Oh god, I’m getting marriage next week and i’m so nervous wht should i do when he (My future husband) will come infornt of me……..?
Hey, I looked this subject up because nobody I know with an arranged marraige will talk about it!
My marraige was not arranged, and we had been dating for … ever (like 6 years), AND we were both virgins on our wedding night (Yes, it does happen in America. We are Christians.). Of course, we’d both been eager after dating so long, but I was so stressed out from the wedding I wasn’t in the mood. He was though! And I enjoyed it, but part of me wished I’d waited until the second night when my nerves were more calm.
One of my aunts had the audacity to ask me “quietly” the next day- AT A PARTY WITH MY FAMILY AND IN-LAWS! – “So, how did it go last night?” I’m sure other people heard, including my poor husband sitting next to me.
I guess that’s not that bad since. We do live in a VERY – overly – sexualised society, and I am used to all kinds of behaviour. I feel bad for those poor Indian/Pakistani/Iranian/etc. girls who live in a more innocent society. The sudden transition and teasing must be very difficult…. Almost as difficult as the in-laws in the other room… Agh!
I’m only putting my email (I kinda want annonymity, but…) because I’d like to hear from you if you can share your experience with me. Or if you’re getting married, I’d love to hear how you feel about it.
Shujath, have you ever actually KNOWN a woman on that level? OMG, you’re nuts.
Women are sexual creatures, too, but we are very different. Men are turned on visually (because God made Eve second – with Adam in mind), but women’s sexuality is SOOOOO different. To us, it involves our heart, and we don’t just want to jump some stranger’s bones (contrary to what you hear in pop culture).
As intimacy develops, so do our sexual feelings. Those feelings need be brought out in women. They are not on the forefront of our minds like they are in men. Western culture does alot to bring the feelings out too young in girls/women with all that’s on TV. But in Eastern culture, many women haven’t had those feelings aroused and triggered to such a level they will want come into marriage hot and sweaty. It’s the man’s job to woo them.